


Please, This Is Just Too Good To Be Gone

by DissonantDreams



Series: I Know Now What I Knew Then But I Didn't Know Then What I Know Now [2]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Coming of Age, Family Bonding, Found Family, Outbreak Day, The Last of Us Day, joel turns fifty and ellie tries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26666290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DissonantDreams/pseuds/DissonantDreams
Summary: Joel turns fifty.Ellie adjusts to new feelings towards her new family and friends.An exploration of Joel and Ellie's growth post museum, pre finding strings through Ellie's eyes. Written for The Last of Us Day 2020.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Maria/Tommy (The Last of Us)
Series: I Know Now What I Knew Then But I Didn't Know Then What I Know Now [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935721
Comments: 16
Kudos: 49





	Please, This Is Just Too Good To Be Gone

**Author's Note:**

> A quick fic for Outbreak Day as a way to say thank you to everyone who has been supportive of all the amazing works that have come out in the last few months. 
> 
> As always, no beta, many mistakes, I tried. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Ellie heard Joel’s heavy gait before he strolled into his living room where she sat in the wooden chair she was supposed to be lacquering, feet propped up on the nice new table he just finished, nose in a comic book. She frowned as she heard the clunk of his boots approach to where she sat, stopping just beyond the edge of her comic.

“Hey, kiddo. Tommy ‘n me are goin’ up to this lodge we found tomorrow. Cleared it out earlier this week. Found somethin’ you might be interested in.”

“I dunno, you already set the bar high with a fuckin’ dinosaur.” Ellie didn’t bother to look up, continuing instead to read her comic. “Unless you have like, a dinosaur shaped spaceship you haven’t told me about.” Joel chuckled, kicking her feet off of the table throwing her off balance in the chair.

“What the fuck!” Ellie windmilled her arms out in time to regain her balance, tipping back forward. Face red. “Fucking asshole.” She crossed her legs and returned to her comic, muttering empty threats at him. Joel crossed his arms, peering down at her.

“Feet off the table. I ain’t raise no heathen.” He placed the can of lacquer in front of her and snatched the comic from her hands. “You can have this back when you finish that chair. Now git to work. We got guests comin’ over.”

“You’re the fucking worst, Joel.”

“Oh I know. God forbid you help me on my birthday.” He shoved a thick paintbrush into her hand, instantly confirming that he was in fact the fucking worst.

“See if I give you your birthday present now.” She grumbled, scowling at the bristles of the paintbrush.

“In that case you’re comin’ with us tomorrow. Mandatory birthday gift.” He stood behind her and pushed on the back of the chair forcing Ellie to stand. He backed away from her with a cheeky grin.

Ellie angrily dipped the brush in the can of lacquer, slapping the brush down on the seat of the chair, dragging the lacquer over the wood as inefficiently as possible.

“Even strokes on that coating there. I know you’re capable of it, I seen your paintin’s.”

“It won’t even be your birthday tomorrow.”

“It is today.” He said as he walked backwards towards the kitchen, shrugging his shoulders. Somehow smugger than he had been about her birthday trip. “My birthday, my rules!”

\--- --- ---

Joel’s gentle lilting song settled over the small group sat round the small fire. Ellie watched him pluck away at his six string from the small table of food Dina and Jesse helped her set up earlier. She took a gulp of too sweet cider to make room for the whiskey she’d been “allowed” to have. She wasn’t gonna tell Joel she’d been drinking well before this. Though she had a sneaking suspicion that he already knew given the last party she went to ended with her crashing over the fence to the backyard because she was too drunk to remember the gate was push not pull and the thing unlatched with her climbing on top of it. She’d let him pretend he was being a good father figure if it meant he’d be happy enough to let her be for the foreseeable twenty-four hours.

Esther sidled up next to her, the woman put a finger to her lips and opened up her black leather jacket, producing a flask from the inner pocket. The blaze of the fire made her honey warm eyes warmer like some how that was fucking possible.

“That shit’s weak, this bourbon is from the year you were born. Our secret.” For someone dating Joel, Esther was pretty awesome. Ellie almost felt bad for the shit she pulled a few months back. Yelling and fighting for no damn reason other than to be a shit. Esther handed her the flask and Ellie unscrewed the top. She took a second smaller gulp of cider before replacing the missing liquid with warm whiskey.

“What do you call a rabbit that’s drunk on beer?” Esther asked playfully.

Ellie shrugged. “Ummmm. I ‘unno, what?”

“All hopped up.” Esther bumped her hip lightly into Ellie’s as they both chuckled.

“That’s dumb.” Ellie handed Esther back her flask watching as she poured a healthy amount into her own drink. “I’m keepin’ that one.”

“You think he does requests?” Esther tipped her flask towards where Joel sat.

“Are you gonna request that he stops?”

“He’s not that bad.”

“Yeah, but we can’t let him know that. Think of the ego.”

“We’ll just remind him he’s fifty and bring him right back down.”

Sloshing her drink around gently in her tin mug, just enough to mix not enough to spill, Ellie made her way back to the fire with Esther and sat down next to Jesse. He was engaged in some heavy debate about some movie with Dina, both of their movements exaggerated and weighted by the alcohol they’d already consumed.

Maria and Tommy sat across from her, watching Joel sing with twin soft smiles. Maria resting against Tommy’s shoulder, wool blanket tucked around them. Tommy noticed her watching him and lifted his glass at her, she lifted hers in response. He spilled a bit of his beer on himself earning a fond, exasperated sigh from Maria. He sheepishly finished the rest of his drink. Ellie peered in her mug, the shadow of her face murky and rippling in the dark liquid. This was good. She could be happy here.

“Hey, you still with us enough to sing?” Joel scuffed her sneaker with a heavy boot and she narrowed her eyes at him, scowling. “You promised.”

“Ugh, I guess.” Ellie, dragged the word out, knowing how much it annoyed him. Taking a sip of her drink, letting the mix of cider and alcohol warm her from the inside. She hated the idea of performing for an audience, especially one that had Dina in it. Her friend had been bugging her for months to sing for her and the thought of actually doing it made her head rush. Joel hummed as he tuned his guitar.

“Well, whose birthday is it now, kiddo?”

“You can’t keep using that against me.” Ellie defended. Joel shook his head at her petulance. She flipped him off, placing her drink on the ground in front of her.

“ _Wayfarin’_ it is.” His eyes crinkled at the corners as he adjusted the capo on his guitar. He settled, brushing his thumb over the strings, content with their tuning he nodded at her before diving right into the song they’d been working on in her guitar lessons. No one was paying them any mind, a small discussion had broke out across from them. She can do this. Ellie took a breath in, keeping an even four count with her foot and sang the words she knew by heart now.

_I’m just a poor wayfaring stranger_

_Travelin’ through this world of woe_

Her voice ca me out soft and low like they practiced.  Almost instantly the  conversations around her stopped, turning to watch as she and Joel performed. Suddenly aware of the many eyes on her Ellie closed her own,  continuing  to sing. 

The crackle of the campfire faded awa y and it was just her and Joel making their way  across  the nation .  Her voice grew stronger and the memories came flooding back to her. 

Memories of reading her mother’s letter over and over  the night before she met Joel and Tess , hoping it would  give her some sense of direction . 

The nights  holed up in empty houses  with Joel, silence between them deafening as they were just two  strangers  thrown into a fucking crazy situation . 

T heir truck getting rammed by a hunters trap. 

The nights round a campfire telling jokes and sharing songs as they transitioned away from being strangers.

The glint of  fire on  steel as  David’s  machete embedded itself deep wit hin  his skull. 

The fields where the giraffes roamed free.

W aking up in the back of a car, leaving Salt Lake after everything they’d been through.

Joel’s promise before they reached the gates of Jackson.

The empt iness in his eyes as he swore he was telling the truth . 

Her voice broke with emotion she wasn’t prepared for. Still she kept on in time with the steady plucking of Joel’s guitar until her part was over. She swallowed thickly as his deep, gravelly voice took over where her voice faded.

_I’ll soon be free from earthly trials_

_This body rests in the old church yard_

Joel told her once if he could be anything it would be a musician. As she opened her eyes to watch him sing she bit her lip trying to distract herself from the prickling moisture building in her eyes. After everything that they had been through, the fact that he could get his dream of being a musician in some capacity made her happy. Years of travel worn his skin. The deep lines that scoured his face turning it into a topographical map of everything he had to endure to ensure their survival.  It had been almost two years since they made it to Jackson and he aged like his body had been waiting for a moments rest. Voice wavering and low, his confidence building quickly. He tipped his chin at Ellie and she knew he wanted her to sing this last part with him. 

_I’m just a-goin’ over Jordan_

_I’m just a-goin’ over home_

Ellie harmonized with Joel, low and wavering, their voices complementing each other perfectly. His guitar picking reached the crescendo into it’s finale. She dropped out letting Joel have the final line.

_I’m just a-goin_

They sat in that space for a moment, the space they lived in together for almost a year. Where there was no question how far they’d go for the other. Come hell or high water it was them against the whole damn world if it came down to it. Joel cleared his throat. His face pinched together as he tried to keep himself composed.

“Thanks, kiddo.” His voice came out hoarse as he looked over to Ellie, eyes wet. He gave her a tight light lipped smile. Putting his hand on her shoulder, he spoke softly, more leveled. “That was mighty fine.”

“Don’t get used to it old man.” Ellie sniffed, punching at his knee. She rubbed her nose on her arm.

A soft smattering of applause drew their attention back to Joel’s backyard. Ellie braved a glance around the fire pit over to her two friends who had stopped whatever debate they had been having to listen. Joel had let her invite them over so it wouldn't be her and a bunch of adults. Seeing their faces she was kind of regretting that decision now.

Jesse’s jaw was slack, eyes wide like he was seeing an entirely new person. She groaned inwardly, he would definitely join Dina in being insufferable about her singing at the next bonfire. Dina was staring at her intensely, Ellie felt her stomach flutter. They hadn’t seen much of each other since she and Jesse started dating again. Every time they did Ellie would get this feeling followed by immense guilt for feeling that way over her friend. Her friend who was in a relationship with the only other friend she had. Ellie ducked her head towards the other side of the fire.

Esther and Maria both dabbed at their eyes with their fingers. Tommy didn’t even bother to hide the tears tracks on his face as he beamed at her.

“Well damn, girl. That was something else.” Tommy rubbed at Maria’s back. He turned to his brother, motioning towards Ellie with the stem of his beer bottle. “Joel, I think she could teach you a thing or two ‘bout singin’.”

“She’d teach you plenty if you weren’t too stupid to learn.” Joel fired back. Tommy took his hand off Maria and placed it over his heart.

“Hey, Ellie you go get Joel’s gift and we’ll toss it in the fire. Might as well keep ourselves warm if he’s gonna be this cold. To his own damn brother.” Ellie jumped up and headed into her apartment. Happy to excuse herself from everyone staring at her. She went over to her desk and pulled out the soft, decently wrapped gift her and Tommy found after they cleared out a cabin they stumbled across on one of the patrols Tommy snuck her out on. Which they agreed was something Joel “didn’t need to know about”. She turned, starting when she almost ran into Dina and Jesse, who had followed her in from the party.

Holy shit, El.” Dina said, breathlessly, putting her hand on Ellie’s arm. The action causing her muscles in her forearm to jump at the touch. Dina smiled shyly. “You sing beautifully.”

“Thanks, you too.” Dina giggled, making Ellie want to run headfirst at an infected horde as soon as she registered what she just said. Combined with the alcohol and the way slow way Dina’s tongue swept at her bottom lip Ellie’s brain started to misfire. Thankfully Jesse was there to save her from embarrassment with a harsh clap of a hand on her back.

“You gotta sing for me on my birthday.”

“Nope, no. Absolutely not.” Ellie dismissed the thought with a wave of her hand.

“C’mon man, not even happy birthday?” Jesse leaned against the wall next to her bathroom for support.

“No, means no, dickhead.”

“You hear that Dina? Not even a happy birthday. My big day is gonna be silent.” Dina rolled her eyes chuckling fondly at him. He bent down and kissed her cheek.

“I’ll sing for you.” Dina wrapped her arms around Jesse. “Maybe pop out of a cake.”

“Sounds delicious.” Ellie shoved past Jesse and pretended to throw up in her toilet at their display of affection. Giving a dry heave worthy of an award – if she was being humble – And she was being humble.

“You two are fuckin’ gross.” She clutched Joel’s gift in her arm and tipped her head towards the door. Trying to ignore the way her chest burned as they walked past her, a hand in each others back pockets.

“Thanks you too? Why are you so fucking awkward?” Ellie muttered to herself as she shut the door behind her. Sighing into the wooden frame, she pushed off, and headed over to the fire.

She plunked down next to Tommy on the log bench, he handed her a beer which she happily accepted, clinking her drink against his, chugging half of it in one go. She observed as Esther and Joel spoke in low tones across from her. The fire billowed up in front of her, framing them. Joel’s eyes never wavered from the woman in front of him as they talked, tucked into each other’s side.

She whispered something in his ear and he barked out a laugh. His smile didn’t even fade when he turned to watch Maria come down the back steps, holding out a cake she and Ellie covered in a bunch of tiny candles Esther found on a supply run. Everyone started singing to him and Ellie joined in. After he blew the candles out Tommy attempted to make a toast, which Joel interrupted, childishly throwing unlit candles at him.

Over a year off the road and living in Jackson had changed him. He’d grown happier than she’d ever seen him. Maybe this was Joel before the world went to shit. She saw it first when they made their way to Colorado. After Jackson he spent more time engaging her: he answered her questions, laughed at her jokes, taught her how to control her breathing as she sang. There was something unnatural to see Joel less guarded, to see him more willing to let others see this good-natured side of him. Knowing what kind of person he was a when they met. Shit, there were probably people in town that weren’t aware the man who carved beautiful wood sculptures was capable of tearing into bandits if needed.

Esther kissed his cheek, earning the smile he reserved for her. Ellie would be loath to admit happiness suited him.

“Alright. Alright. Enough of that. What did y’all get me?” Joel waved a hand in front of his face as everyone cheered.

He opened up his gifts one by one. Esther gave him new woodworking tools as well as a tan mug with a band of brown around the rim, a drawing of an owl wrapping around the front. Jesse and Dina handed over a couple of cassettes. Joel grinned in approval at their choice in music, telling them they found a band he saw live as a kid, before thanking them.

Ellie felt lucky she’d managed to befriend them. People never stuck around her long. These two were on a whole other level. She’d told them not to bother with gifts cause they were technically there to make sure she didn’t go nuts, the way Joel lit up at their gift made her happy they ignored her. Tommy tossed the gift he and Maria got like a frisbee, Joel barely catching it, groaning loudly when he held up a handmade dvd box set of a bunch of cheesy 80’s movies.

“Look, Ellie. We’re Curtis and Viper.” Pointing at a crudely drawn sketch of him and Ellie with a ninja cowl over her face. Technically- you couldn’t see her face so it could be anybody. She squinted at the box set over Joel was a series of green lines, when she realized they were meant to be stink lines, she snorted.

“Tommy you really artistically captured his smell.” Esther teased, earning a half-hearted grumble from Joel.

Ellie walked over to his side, whispering loud enough to be heard over the crackle of the fire as she handed him his gift. “This is from Tommy and me. Technically Tommy found it, but if you wanna disown him I am willing to take full credit for the gift.”

“Actually it was Maria’s idea.” Tommy offered the information up easily, earning a slap on his arm from his wife.

“Snitch.” Maria took a sip of her whiskey. “You gotta learn to shut up.”

Joel ripped through the wrapping with a satisfying tearing noise, revealing a tan leather jacket damn near identical to the one he lost to a bandit attack at the beginning of the year. Smoothing the dark brown collar down with his hand, Joel nodded his approval. It had been a good find. After Ellie had put down the last runner in the cabin with her knife, she found it hung up in a closet, zipped up in clear plastic bag.. It was a less worn, but she was assured it’d be weathered to Joel’s liking within the upcoming months. He stood up and took off the jacket he was wearing, Esther giving him a playful whistle, followed by a disappointed groan when he donned the new coat.

“How do I look?” Joel asked as he tugged on the lapels of the jacket, shaking his arms out as the coat settled on his shoulders. Just like she’d seen at least one person do in every one of the 80’s action movies they watched.

“Fine as hell.” Esther said, sneaking a hand under the lapel onto his chest.

“Awesome.” Ellie deadpanned, finishing off her drink in the hopes of scrubbing the inappropriate for children – especially the child you took into your care after going cross country to find a cure with – look on their faces from her memory.

“Well brother. I’d say shit brown really is your color.” Tommy offered with a whistle.

“You’re just jealous this didn't fit you well enough you coulda kept it for yourself.” The conversation between the two quickly devolving into playful bickering, ending with Joel wiping a handful of frosting in Tommy’s hair and Maria physically holding Tommy back from throwing the whole damn cake back in Joel’s face. Dina put a hand on Jesse’s chest, tipping her head back, overjoyed to see two grown men act like eight year old children.

Ellie shoved down the surge of jealously that rushed like a river under her skin. Quietly wishing she was the one...the thought was stupid, one she should stop having. They were her friends. Friends she would actually like to keep.

Dina found Ellie staring and gave her a private smile, the kind that scrunched her nose up in such a way it made Ellie’s palms sweat. Lost in counting the freckles that crested the bridge of Dina’s nose in the light of the fire, Ellie had no time to defend herself when Joel sidled up to her and smashed a small piece of cake in her face.

Shocked, Ellie wiped away a chunk of cake, blinking at the offending mash of sugar and flour. A peel of laughter from Dina brought her back and she surged after Joel to finish the war he just started.

“You’re so fucking dead, Joel!”

\--- --- ---

Morning came too soon and Ellie found herself at the stables with Joel, blearily tying off her overnight pack onto her saddle before pulling herself onto Shimmer. Joel’s ungodly chipper attitude for nine in the morning after a night of drinking only served to aggravate her further. He talked to the stable hand with an energy that shouldn’t be possible for someone who spent the first six months of knowing him with a permanent scowl. Ellie checked her rifle and adjusted her pistol in the band of her jeans to give her self something to do while waiting.

Her mouth felt exceptionally gross after all the alcohol she had last night. She rubbed the collar of her t-shirt along her teeth hoping to alleviate the fuzzy plaque that accumulated there. Joel finished brushing his horse and climbed up leading them both towards the gate.

There was a big patrol going out on a run, Dina and Jesse unsurprisingly absent from the line up. They had just joined the line up so they were on shorter patrols which ran closer to Jackson. Ellie frowned when she realized there was one familiar face missing.

“Wait, where’s Tommy?”

“He refused to come after I kicked his ass last night.”

“Why the fuck do I have to go then?” Ellie crossed her arms in a huff. Shimmer began pawing at the ground with a hoof underneath her as if she was an extension of the annoyance she felt.

“You promised.” Joel stated, all matter of fact.

“And Tommy didn’t?” Ellie reached down to pat Shimmer’s head, uttering quiet words of praise. Though she was still a young horse they worked well together, picking up on each others feelings. Ellie didn’t want to start Shimmer’s day off poorly just cause she was annoyed.

“Tommy broke his promise and I raised you better to be better ‘n that.” Joel teased.

Ellie grumbled as the gate suddenly sprung to life, groaning as it opened, folks shouting orders to each other as people scattered to let the patrol through. The main bulk of the group rode off to the right, while Joel, Ellie, and three riders took off to the left.

Around an hour into their trip Joel stopped them a ways away from the gas station. There wasn't anything else in the immediate area and Ellie looked to Joel who brought them to the side of the road. Down a steep incline, Ellie barely made out the dilapidated roof of an old house. It was hidden away from the main trail pretty well, brush and trees covered the area the outcrop of rocks curving to block in the building. She doubted anyone could see the house from the trail without knowing it was there and vice versa. 

“Gotta pick up some supplies,” He said as he threw his leg over to hop down from the saddle. “Wait here.” Ellie rolled her eyes but did as she was told, taking the reins from him and waiting. And waiting. Whistling a little tune out of boredom. Joel sure was taking his fucking time.

Shimmer shifted restlessly beneath her. There were no signs of infected yet it made Ellie distinctly uneasy. She adjusted the rifle on her shoulder and listened. A soft rustle of brush off to the right drew her hand to her pistol’s grip on alert. A small fawn hopped out on the road. Ellie watched as it sniffed at the ground, taking off in leaping stumbles across the dirt when a larger doe stepped out behind it. The wind picked up and doe turned to face where Ellie sat before bounding off after it’s calf.

“It sure is a sight to see so many of them out and about like that.” Ellie jumped, Joel’s quiet voice startling her and Shimmer. He hopped up onto his horse and tucked a long card board box between himself and the horn of his saddle.

“What’s that?”

“You’ll see.” Joel answered in an infuriatingly self-satisfied manner. “Now come on.”

They rode at an easy pace, stopping mid way to eat one of the sandwiches Joel brought. The two sat next to one another on a dry outcropping of rocks while the horses drank from the creek.

“How much further?” Ellie asked around a mouthful of bread and steak.

Joel swallowed his bite before answering. “Don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s gross.” Ellie rolled her eyes and knocked his foot out with hers. “Hey, be nice. I’m tryin’ to teach you manners.” Joel paused, looking up to the sky and glancing at his watch angling it this way and that before answering. “It’s about one so I’d say we got about two more hours at this pace, which leaves us plenty of time.”

“You got cake in your hair by the way.” Joel pointed to his temple. Ellie brushed a finger along the spot and sure enough white frosting came flaking off. “You didn’t even shower did you?”

“Of course I did.” She had not. The most she did was wipe at her face with a wet cloth before passing out on her bed. “I just missed a spot.”

“Uh huh.” His mouth pulling up into a disbelieving smirk. “I shoulda asked you to take a damn shower for my birthday instead.” Ellie punched his arm and chewed with her mouth open. Annoyingly, he just gripped his arm and chuckled.

When they finished eating Joel pulled his guitar over his lap and began picking away, working out some tune with his fingers. Ellie nodded and pulled out her sketch book. Joel was occupied enough she sketched him as quickly as she could. Recently she’d started drawing more people, moving away from animals and copying the art in her comics. So far the only person she managed to draw was Dina. She’d never show anyone those sketches, they weren’t bad, just horribly exposing to how she truly felt. Not something she’d want to announce, especially to Joel. Not yet at least.

Joel shifted closer to her and she snapped the book closed. “Hey, kiddo. If you’re done drawin’ we can head out.”

“Yeah, fine. She stuffed her journal in her bag, tying it off and jumping onto Shimmer fast enough she hoped that would be the end of the conversation. Joel rode up next to her, a flash of curiosity in his eyes.

“What were you workin’ on?” Joel turned his head to the side to watch her.

“Nothing good.”

“I doubt that. You’re a pretty good artist for bein’ self-taught.” Ellie hummed neutrally in response. They both fell silent. This new awkward distance that slowly had been creeping into their every interaction overtaking them. Joel cleared his throat.

“So Jesse an’ Dina?” He started. “They on again?”

“Does it matter?” She hoped her words didn’t sound as bitter as they tasted.

“Guess not.”

Ellie swiped at her nose with a thumb, watching the road as it passed beneath Shimmer.

It mattered so much.

\--- --- ---

Around mid afternoon they rode up to a sprawling ski lodge surrounded by a large gate. Joel called Ellie over and together the managed to open the gate, rusty gears slid along the track, screeching loudly in the quiet of the Wyoming mountains. A few birds flew from their perch at the sound, taking off from an old fir in a giant plume of feathers.

Ellie walked through the front door and the place was huge. The ceilings seemed to go on forever. The open plan of the house had two staircases wind up towards a second floor on opposite sides of a huge entry way. Ellie ran through to the other side where a study and lounge with floor to ceiling windows stood. She glanced out them and the view was blocked by the fence and miles of trees, completely pointless to be stuck in the middle of such beauty with no way to view it. In the end she reckoned it was for the best, hiding away had its advantages.

Joel whistled in surprise, “Place like this, spent millions an’ probably lived here about two months out of the year. My place cost a fraction of what this lodge was worth and I struggled to pay that.” He shook his head, with a frown.

Ellie couldn’t wrap her head around that kind of mindless selfishness. Hording resources and not contributing to the rest of the community. It’s position out in the wilderness of Wyoming left the building barely touched by the ravages of time compared to the rest of the world. No signs of infected marred the walls. No signs of bandit attacks. It was the closest to the world before Outbreak day Ellie had ever seen. A museum to the capitalistic savagery that had plagued the world before she was born.

“What is this place?” Ellie pivoted on the spot trying to take everything in. She could see a huge deck wrapping around the outside of the back most part of the house.

“Ski lodge. Old man that lived here died. Maria’s thinkin’ of makin’ it a new outpost.”

“Seems kinda out of the way.”

“Oh it is, but it’s pretty well fortified.” Joel shrugged. “It’s an option.”

“We out here for recon or what?” Ellie side eyed him. She yawned, exhaustion from the night before and lack of sleep catching up to her. Tired and annoyed she wanted to know why he dragged her out a few hours away from Jackson on the one day she could have slept in.

Joel reflected that exhaustion back at her, stretching his arms over his head and groaning in that gross old man kinda way, like his joints are screaming their protest out of his mouth. Joel hefted his pack up, beginning to climb the stairs, turning at the last second to face her.

“Go on an’ pick a bed upstairs. I’m gonna take a little nap, myself. Then we can set up.”

Desire for rest outweighed her annoyance with Joel and she walked the open second floor until she found a bedroom that didn’t have a hundred beheaded animals facing the bed. Strange that some people could sleep with that shit on the walls, let alone fuck. Ellie threw the dusty comforter back and threw herself on the bed. She threw her arm over her eyes, sighing. Whatever Joel had planned better be worth it.

Ellie woke to the fading pinks and oranges of the evening sun. She scrubbed her face with her hands, somehow feeling more worn down after a nap than before. She noticed a crack of light underneath her door, reaching over to the lamp on the bedside table she flicked the switch. The bulb flashing briefly with a loud pop.

“Christ.” Ellie tilted the lamp to see the bulb had burnt out. She sat in the dark before a low tendril of music coming from somewhere past her door reached her ears. The voice wasn’t Joel’s and there were more instruments. Curious, Ellie crept along until she reached the open end of the hall where the railing separated her from a drop down into the lounge, now lit up with warm light. Joel hummed along to music that played from hidden speakers as he made coffee on the stove.

“Hey, kiddo I was just about to wake you up. If you go upstairs and to the left down the hall you’ll see a set of stairs leading to a deck. Everythin’s set up. They even got a fire pit.”

Ellie followed his directions up to the deck. The music from downstairs played quietly on speakers by the door. A familiar guitar riff filtered through from a song she didn’t know the name of yet but knew by heart. Joel popped his head out, and handed her a mug.

“It’s hot cocoa.”

“What song is this?

“ _Wish You Were Here_. Old song off the cassette your friends gave me last night. Why?”

“I know this one.” Ellie stared down at the milky gray brown of her drink. “Well, I never knew the name. Uh, a friend gave me a cassette with this song on it. It’s pretty dope.”

“Well, I’ll let you borrow the tape sometime.” Joel passed over a few skewers of beef and veggies for her to stick in the dirt next to the flames. “Here you go. Every summer’s gotta end with a nice outdoor cook out.”

They stayed around the fire as their meal cooked, Joel noodling along on his guitar to the music, Ellie sketching a moth over and over again, trying to get it right. Joel went back down to change the cassette, the deep voice of a haunted man filtered through, singing the song they sang last night. Ellie shook her head, checking the skewers of meat.

“Food’s done.” She announced as Joel walked through the open glass doors, coffee for him in one hand, more cocoa for her in the other. He crouched down and divided the skewers up between them, falling into his chair with a consented huff.

“Perfect timing,” Joel pointed a finger skyward. “Look up, kiddo.” Tilting her whole body skyward. Ellie’s mouth dropped, on a good night you could see a meteor or two, tonight there were dozens of meteors flashing and disappearing across the sky, more than she had ever seen in one go in her life. They ate in amicable silence as the light show went on above their heads. Ellie found herself grinning as she stuffed her face with venison, beef, onions, and peppers.

After some time Ellie finished her meal. She wiped the juices off on her shirt sleeve, she burped loudly with a proper amount of reverberation earning herself a score of eight from Joel. His eyes never moving from the show in the sky, when she spoke. “Guess you get a buttload of wishes, huh?”

“I already got mine.” Joel murmured, he rubbed at his knee, lips thinning with whatever thought he was having. “There was always a meteor shower around my birthday. I haven’t been able to enjoy one in a long time.”

“You ever do this kinda thing with Sarah?” Ellie never knew how to be cautious with fragile things, she handled everything roughly and hoped she didn’t break. The moment with Joel hung suspended in air until he snorted in an almost self-deprecating manner.

“A few times when she was younger. Things never worked out as easy when she got older though.” Joel hummed, a far off look about him, he took a sip of his horrid coffee. “She used to have these plastic glow in the dark stars we stuck on the ceiling over her bed.” Joel glanced up a little higher, blinking rapidly. “Tried to make em look like the night sky.”

“I’m sure she loved that Joel.”

Joel coughed, stepping over to where the telescope sat, switching gears away from any further conversation. Though he offered up more about his daughter every now it then it was still a sensitive subject.

“See that bright star?” Joel spoke in a tone she had begun to refer to as “professor Miller” when he thought he was some big shit for not really knowing something. “That’s the north star.”

Ellie’s eyes tracked down his arm towards the tip of his finger which sat just underneath the zenith, pointing to an obvious galaxy.

“Pfft, are you fuckin’ with me?” Ellie stared at him until it was obvious he was being serious. “Joel that’s a galaxy.”

“No way n hell. I know the North Star when I see it.” Ellie scoffed, he obviously didn’t. But he thought he did…

“We make a bet.” Ellie had been bugging him to get her onto patrol or at the very least watch for months. This was the perfect opportunity to tip the chances in her favor. “If I’m right, you’re gonna talk to Maria about letting me pick up watch shifts and taking me off farm rotation.”

“And if I’m right?”

“Then you can gloat about being right.” Ellie frowned at him, shrugging.

“How’s that fair?” Joel let out an exasperated sigh, pinching the skin of his forehead together with the tips of his fingers. Ellie crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow at him. “Fine. Fine. You win I’ll talk to Maria but when I win I get to come laugh at you while you shovel cow shit.”

“Deal.” Ellie held out a hand and they shook on it. Looking through the finderscope at the top until the “star” in question was lined up she checked in the viewer fiddling with the knob on the side until the star-like object came into focus. The telescope wasn’t powerful enough to see the galaxy in detail, however, it had a bright halo around it that you couldn’t ignore. Grinning, she stepped aside, gesturing to the eyepiece. “See it an’ weep, old man.” He looked through with a disapproving huff. Ellie tapped his shoulder and pointed to a much duller point in the sky, that’s the North Star, professor.

“I’m startin’ to think this was rigged.”

“So you’ll talk to Maria?” Ellie brightened.

“A deal’s a deal.”

“Fuck yes!” Ellie pumped her fists in the air.

“But you do exactly what she says okay? Her choice is final.”

“Fine, whatever. She loves me. She’ll put me on watch if you let her.” She called over to Joel who was distracted by something out beyond the mountain ridge. “You don’t sound too devastated I won.”

“Well I’ll be damned,” Joel walked past the telescope, standing in front of the railing. He pointed out towards the mountain range. “Look over there.” Ellie walked over to his position. Cresting over the Tetons was a large comet.

“Joel are you kidding me!?” She shoved his arm excitedly. “Is that a fuckin’ comet!?”  
  


“It sure looks like one.” Joel scratched at his beard, bobbing his head back and forth, unsure. “Though I was wrong about a star.”

“Joel, this is so fuckin’ cool.” Ellie ran over to the telescope, bringing it back to where Joel stood. She peered through the finder, adjusting the magnification. “Come here, look at it through the scope.”

“Ain’t that something.” He whispered, peeking in the scope before leaning back, hands on his hips. “Comet Miller-Williams sure looks mighty fine don’t it.” Joel grinned broadly, turning to Ellie who crossed her arms.

“Miller-Williams?” She cocked a brow at him. Joel rubbed at his neck, awkwardly.

“When I was a kid, there was this comet; Hale-Bopp. The people who found it named it after themselves.” He explained.

“I know Joel. I read.” They both faced the comet, observing it without the scope.

“Well pardon me then. I guess we’ll just call this one comet Miller.”

“Miller, really?”

“Well what you wanna name it then, huh?”

“Steve.”

“What!?” Joel’s voice cracked, offended by the mere thought. “You can’t name a comet Steve!?” Joel stared at her as though she had told him she was going to commit his personal sacrilege and put milk in his coffee.

“I just did.” Ellie gestured widely to the sky with her hands affecting a horrible southern accent. “Steve is lookin’ migh-tee majestic tonight dont’cha think, Joel?”

“Why yes, comet Miller looks grand.”

“Don’t be jealous your comet naming skills suck.” Ellie kicked his foot with hers.

Joel huffed and didn’t argue. The awkward silence she felt between them more often over taking the moment. Ellie hated the way he clearly held back parts of what happened. Hated the way she didn’t know how to respond to it. Not tonight, tonight she could try, for him. “Did you know the coma you see on comets is mostly made of ice and space dust.”

Joel chuckled proudly, “I did not. I also do not know what a coma is.”

“That’s what makes it look all fuzzy, like with the tail.”

“Huh. I always thought it was cause it was moving through space so fast.” Joel stared at her. “How the hell did you get so smart?”

“I know. Didn’t get it from you that’s for sure.” Ellie glanced over to where Joel stood, beaming at her. Chest puffed out and everything, like the real mother hen he had become around her. “So did you actually get to see Hale-Bopp?”

“Yeah, my daddy took me n Tommy out to this field to watch it.” He rested his arms on the railing. “Did you know there was this cult? Killed themselves cause they thought it was hiding a UFO.

“Really?” Joel affirmed it with a tip of his head. Ellie snorted. “Cults are so stupid. Aliens have cloaking devices. They wouldn’t need a comet.”

“Sure they do, kiddo.” They stayed like that watching the heavens until the fire died down to hot coals. Joel yawned and wordlessly they got ready for bed,  laying out their camp rolls on the deck, zipping into their sleeping bags. Ellie tucked her head onto her pack. The edge of her journal poked her neck. She zipped her pack open earning Joel’s attention.

“Everything alright over there?” Ellie flicked her flashlight on to see better, scooting over to where Joel lay.

“I uh, got you one more thing. Since we extended your birthday.” Ellie carefully ripped out a page of her journal handing it over to Joel who sat up. He held it in both hands, the edges crinkling from the pressure of his finger tips and he gripped it tighter.

“Lookit that, spittin’ image.” He held her drawing of him next to his face. He handed it back to her. “You gotta sign it. All good art needs to be signed. In case you get famous.” Ellie scoffed, until Joel nudged the paper into her hands.

“Wait, you’re serious?”

“Yep.”

“Is this a weird before times thing?” Ellie dug around in her pack until she found a loose pen at the bottom of her bag. Joel spent more time trying to regain the normalcy he had lost over the past twenty years. She’d never know what kind of world he lost when he lost Sarah. She wished somehow there had been a cure if it meant Joel could have gotten some of that world back.

“I guess. Everyone signed their art. Even cavemen.” Joel nudged the paper into her hands and she made him turn around using his back to sign the paper.

“You draw?”

“Ha, ha.” Joel laughed, dryly. “You’re a real riot.”

Ellie signed the sketch with a quick _To: Joel From: Ellie_ and handed it back to him. “I’m gonna make a real nice frame for this when we get back.

“It’s just a sketch.” Ellie dismissed.

“This is the best I ever looked, it gets a frame.” He tucked it away safely in his pack and they both settled back down. There was still silence between them but it wasn’t as suffocating as it had been. They could fix the bridge between them. 

“Night. Kiddo. Thanks for a good day.” Joel’s voice was quiet in the dark. 

Ellie watched as a few meteors crossed the sky above her. She missed this, when it was just Joel and her and no farm rotation or stupid feelings for her friend she didn’t understand. In the dim night, she faced Joel, barely making out his face. His head resting on his hands. Face slack, eyes closed, breathing slow and measured as he fully relaxed. He looked younger when he wasn’t scowling.

“Night.” She closed her eyes, small smile on her lips. The world was fucked, but at least they had each other.

“Happy Birthday, Joel.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I wanted to do something special for The Last of Us Day as I have loved this series and always felt too awkward to participate. So far everyone's been welcoming and leaving supportive comments, which truly inspired me to grow as a writer. 
> 
> This whole thing started off as some Ellie pining and evolved into an exploration of Joel's character growth through Ellie's eyes in the space of time before things fell apart between them. Because fuck anyone who thought Joel should stay the same grumpy old man after the events of the first game.
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading. 
> 
> Come yell or chat about this game [dissonantdreamer](https://dissonantdreamer.tumblr.com/) over on tumblr


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